Jared's Story
Janis Miskimins, the adoptive mother of Jared, has an educational background and years of experience working with children and families. This experience helped her identify Jared as a child with abnormal traits and developmental problems within his first months of life. Doctors thought there were neurological problems but could find nothing.
As a seven-week premature infant, Jared had much to overcome just by being premature. His crying was a high-pitched "eagle cry," and soothing reassurance was a constant demand. Much play "work" went into getting him to be interested in turning and rolling over.
As a seven-week premature infant, Jared had much to overcome just by being premature. His crying was a high-pitched "eagle cry," and soothing reassurance was a constant demand. Much play "work" went into getting him to be interested in turning and rolling over.
By the time he could sit up and hold things, Jared began doing repetitive behaviors and having abnormal fixations. He would work his fingers up and down one of his socks until he would lose his balance, only to resume the fingering until the sock was removed. That caused a great deal of fussing, with nothing else being able to replace the sock. This was the beginning.
The story goes on. Jared's struggles to be normal continued when, indeed, he had special and serious needs. Janis could identify the ADHD, obsessive-compulsive, oppositional defiant, and bipolar behaviors, but it wasn't until a flyer crossed her desk that she had the term Asperger's to aid her and the family in understanding Jared's condition.
The search was on to learn more. There is a vast amount of information to be read. Personal accounts by other families that were advocating for their children helped Janis the most with the emotional side of parenting. Jared was and is her main teacher! Remembering who he is and what the disorder is provides resources for vast amounts of patience.
Today, there is success at home and in a small elementary school setting where the focus is on academic learning with a cognitive therapy approach, motor skills development, and social support.
The search was on to learn more. There is a vast amount of information to be read. Personal accounts by other families that were advocating for their children helped Janis the most with the emotional side of parenting. Jared was and is her main teacher! Remembering who he is and what the disorder is provides resources for vast amounts of patience.
Today, there is success at home and in a small elementary school setting where the focus is on academic learning with a cognitive therapy approach, motor skills development, and social support.
Do we still have meltdowns? Yes, but meltdowns are less intense and less often at last!
The really important thing is that we have time together to enjoy new discoveries and meet the challenges of another day as a family.
The really important thing is that we have time together to enjoy new discoveries and meet the challenges of another day as a family.
More Anecdotes of Jared
One of Jared's sustaining songs on the way to school as a preschooler was:"Everything is goin' be all right! Everything is goin' be all right!Everything is goin' be all right! Yes, it will! Do, Do, Do, Do!"
Repetition is a friend to the child on the autism spectrum. It brings comfort and relief because it is a known factor. It is understood and trusted.
Jared talks extremely well. He can outtalk you in a moment, but he regresses and moans at times, especially at night. He moans a great deal when he is awake in the night.
Tonight, when Jared woke up for his 11:00 pm to 2:00 am snack, he sat at the table waiting for his "millet pancakes" and moaned. I have always asked him to stop and to "use your words" instead of moaning. Tonight, he told me that he moaned because it helped him feel calm. I thanked him for sharing this. Then, I asked him if there was something else he could do to feel calm besides moaning. He candidly said, "I don't think so."
Tomorrow, when he is awake and more attentive, we will work on finding a calming behavior that will be more appropriate than making this moaning sound that would signal distress to most people.
One night, when a head cold had him unable to juggle the covers and his restlessness, I searched for his head to tuck the blanket under it. I asked, "Where is your head?" Jared replied, "I'm wearing it." Who would have guessed? I ran my hand up his back, and yes, indeed, he was wearing it! I chuckled softly and tucked those covers right there under his chin.
I was reading the last pages of The Horse Boy (a new book on autism, November 2009) the other night. Then Jared yells so loud the house shakes, "I'm nervous. Mommy, help me!" I settled him back into bed. Stayed close for a little bit. Then, I returned to my book. He stirred loudly, so I took the book with me and laid down beside him. I could put a reassuring hand on him and balance a slightly covered flashlight, kind of under the covers and away from his restless sleeping at 1:00 am. I just wanted to finish the book.
All of a sudden, he sat up briefly to take in the situation. Then he laid back down with the authority of an adult remedy, "Would you please turn out that light? I am trying to sleep!" If he ever gets his sleep disorder and anxiety under control, I wonder if I'll ever catch him reading those last fulfilling pages by flashlight.
There is always work—something to fix or make better—but is this not true for all of us? Work, when approached with faith and hope, can bring so much joy!
Do not forget to sing each day and be thankful for your child. Your child will slow you down and give you pause to reflect upon the values of each day. The potential for much joy —what a delight!
And, at the end of each day, the fatigue can be rewarding if you remember the smallest of successes may have been a mountain well climbed for your child. I know you are still on duty throughout the night with all the behaviors that may shift during these hours. I know because I'm a 24/7 mom, too!
Repetition is a friend to the child on the autism spectrum. It brings comfort and relief because it is a known factor. It is understood and trusted.
Jared talks extremely well. He can outtalk you in a moment, but he regresses and moans at times, especially at night. He moans a great deal when he is awake in the night.
Tonight, when Jared woke up for his 11:00 pm to 2:00 am snack, he sat at the table waiting for his "millet pancakes" and moaned. I have always asked him to stop and to "use your words" instead of moaning. Tonight, he told me that he moaned because it helped him feel calm. I thanked him for sharing this. Then, I asked him if there was something else he could do to feel calm besides moaning. He candidly said, "I don't think so."
Tomorrow, when he is awake and more attentive, we will work on finding a calming behavior that will be more appropriate than making this moaning sound that would signal distress to most people.
One night, when a head cold had him unable to juggle the covers and his restlessness, I searched for his head to tuck the blanket under it. I asked, "Where is your head?" Jared replied, "I'm wearing it." Who would have guessed? I ran my hand up his back, and yes, indeed, he was wearing it! I chuckled softly and tucked those covers right there under his chin.
I was reading the last pages of The Horse Boy (a new book on autism, November 2009) the other night. Then Jared yells so loud the house shakes, "I'm nervous. Mommy, help me!" I settled him back into bed. Stayed close for a little bit. Then, I returned to my book. He stirred loudly, so I took the book with me and laid down beside him. I could put a reassuring hand on him and balance a slightly covered flashlight, kind of under the covers and away from his restless sleeping at 1:00 am. I just wanted to finish the book.
All of a sudden, he sat up briefly to take in the situation. Then he laid back down with the authority of an adult remedy, "Would you please turn out that light? I am trying to sleep!" If he ever gets his sleep disorder and anxiety under control, I wonder if I'll ever catch him reading those last fulfilling pages by flashlight.
There is always work—something to fix or make better—but is this not true for all of us? Work, when approached with faith and hope, can bring so much joy!
Do not forget to sing each day and be thankful for your child. Your child will slow you down and give you pause to reflect upon the values of each day. The potential for much joy —what a delight!
And, at the end of each day, the fatigue can be rewarding if you remember the smallest of successes may have been a mountain well climbed for your child. I know you are still on duty throughout the night with all the behaviors that may shift during these hours. I know because I'm a 24/7 mom, too!
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